Why Some People Stay & Some People Go

In 2011, CBN celebrated its 50^th anniversary and many leaders from around the country came to celebrate.  Many “big wigs” (as my mom would say) came out for the event, and the 700 Club daily show staff produced the all-day extravaganza. As guest producer of the 700 Club, I was in charge of briefing each one and getting them where they needed to be.  I met the governor of Virginia, congressmen, several international ministry leaders, and several local mayors.  It was a bit nerve wracking (understatement!), but thankfully, one of the leaders in the room was a dear friend (I won’t name names).  I think we were both happy to see a familiar face in the crowd!

At some point, this leader asked me how our new church was going.  I told him that it was a bit more difficult being lead pastors than we’d imagined.  The hardest part? he asked.  I said dealing with people . . . friends leaving . . . hoping you’re getting it right, etc.

He then gave me a piece of advice that helped me, and I scribbled it down.  It’s on a little sticky note that I keep in my desk, and sometimes it helps explain why some people stay and some people go. 

He said every leader experiences three types of followers.  First, the “comrades.” These are people who are with you because they hate something or someone else, and you’re success is their best chance to (and I’m paraphrasing) stick it to them, get back at them, ensure their demise, etc.  When that is accomplished, they will bail.

Then, you have the “constituents.”  These are people who believe in your cause, or at least one of your causes.  But, when the cause is gone or their job in the cause is done, so are they.  No hard feelings and no regrets . . . just let them go and bless them on their way out.

Finally, you have your “confidants.”  These people are there for you and will have your back.  Even if you move in a different direction or make a mistake, they are loyal.  I would add that your confidants trust that God has called you to pastoring, they have a teachable spirit, and they pray for you.  They will come alongside you and hold your hands up when you are weary.

Of course not every person/situation fits into these 3 categories . . . each person who leaves & each person’s reasons are unique.  All I know is, this helped me.

To this day, that leader has no idea how much this encouraged me in such a hard season when I really was tempted to quit.  I thank God for all the people who have “stuck it out” with us, imperfect as we are.   I will be forever grateful for our confidants, our friends.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need. Prov. 17:17

How to Change the Atmosphere

When January rolls around, it seems like God gives me a key verse or an assignment to focus on for that year.  This year He showed me Jeremiah 20:13 “Sing to the Lord! Praise the Lord!
 For though I was poor and needy, he rescued me from my oppressors.”  

When I read that verse the Lord said, “Lori I want you to praise me this year like you’ve never praised me before.  Every day.  When you’re tempted to mumble, grumble or complain, I want you to praise me.  When the situation is not going your way, praise me.  When you receive bad news, praise me.  I want you to make this a year of praise and thanksgiving. If you do this, I promise to rescue you and meet your needs.”

Immediately, I was both excited and challenged.  As soon as I agreed to make this my goal, I was hit with bronchitis.  When I’m sick, that’s always the most difficult time for me to keep my attitude right!  But, as the sickness dragged on, I realized there were plenty of things to praise God for, and each time I did, I noticed I’d laugh, smile, and feel more cheerful.

As I’ve meditated on this scripture, two other stories came to mind.  First, who isn’t convicted by the story of Paul and Silas singing praise songs in prison? (Acts 16)  I’ve heard that story so many times, but if you stop and think about it. . . how crazy is that?!  Can you imagine how unsanitary, dark, dank, and disgusting a first century prison would have been?  Not exactly a place that would have an “atmosphere of praise!”  Probably more like an atmosphere of moaning, groaning, and swearing!  But as Paul and Silas worshipped, God sent an angel to break open the prison doors and release the chains of every prisoner.  When you praise, miracles are released!  Your praise changes the atmosphere!

When I was a teenager, I read Corrie Ten Boom’s book The Hiding Place.  One story in the book made a huge impression on me. Corrie’s sister Betsy had a positive attitude and thankful spirit, even in the horrific surroundings of a Nazi concentration camp.  This annoyed Corrie.  Corrie wanted to murmur and complain along with the other women, but Betsy would always correct her and point out the positive. 

One day Betsy said, “Corrie, we need to thank God for the lice.” 

An abundance of ALL sorts of critters, especially lice, constantly harassed Corrie and all the other women in the barracks.  After hearing this, a somewhat exasperated Corrie stated, “Betsy, You’ve gone too far this time.  I’m not going to thank God for the lice.”  But it wasn’t too long before Betsy’s prayer made sense. Betsy and Corrie led daily Bible studies each day, and during these forbidden meetings they led many women to the Lord.  They found out later that the German soldiers avoided the barracks because of the lice.

Paul says, “In everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”  (I Thess. 5:18) Would you consider joining me as I attempt to praise God in every circumstance?  Realize, we don’t have to praise God FOR the circumstance, but we need to praise God IN the circumstance.  He is able to work ALL things together for good!

Fun Christmas Game! "The Great Photo Challenge"

To my fellow pastor's wives--many of us plan Christmas parties for staff, women's ministries, leaders, volunteers, etc. during the Christmas season. It can be a stressful time trying to create a fun experience for other people, but it doesn't have to be! Here's a game I made up that was a big hit. Of course you may have to adapt it to the group you are entertaining.  We had about 75 men, women, and youth at our Christmas party & everyone loved it:

The Great "your church name" Christmas Photo Challenge

 

Your challenge:  to be the first group (group of 4-6) to take all 10 pics.

With the people at your table, get the following pics*:

STOP! First, make a sign with your team name.*
GAME RULE: Make sure someone holds the sign in each picture!

 

1)   Every group member out in front of the building with coats on & BIG smiles.

2)  Woman w/ scarf joyfully holding her hands up

3)  Man holding ornament wearing sunglasses & serious scowl on his face

4)  3 people under a table looking scared!

5)  3 people shouting on their phones

6)  2 people on the stage pretending to sing opera style

7)  Woman holding a present looking VERY surprised!

8)  Every group member in pic stoically holding something RED

9)  Man wearing Santa hat** & peacefully holding a Christmas CD

10) Every group member wearing your napkin like a bib and desperately holding your glass out

RULES:

Take all pics on the same camera/phone

Don’t forget to show your team’s sign in each pic!
 

*When you pass out the instructions, provide paper & a few markers for their sign

**make sure you are wearing this when you give out the instructions for the game

A Warning to Wives

 I’m troubled in my spirit by a trend I’ve seen in the church. 

What is it?  Wives who pull their husbands out of church because they are dissatisfied.

Here’s the scenario.  The husband and wife join the church and become involved in meaningful ways.  But over time, the wife begins to notice little things that bother her, and these annoyances get in her spirit.  The nursery has some issues.  The youth doesn’t have a full time youth pastor.  The women don’t have enough Bible studies.  There’s no opportunity to sing solos.  Somebody’s offended them.  They’re not appreciated.  Their family is having a crisis and somehow it’s the church’s fault. There’s someone in leadership with a past.  Her husband is serving so much that he can’t sit with her in service. And the list goes on and on.

So, they begin the constant “dripping” to the husband (Prov. 27:15).  The complaining.  The negativity.  The negotiating.  The positive talk about what other churches in town are doing.  “The church down the street has amazing leadership.  The church across town has more Bible studies.  The church so-and-so goes to has more programs for our kids, etc.”  Manipulate lately?

Then there’s the husband. The husband starts out happy.  He’s using his gifts and talents in service to the Lord.  He has gained credibility and a respectable position in the church. He’s reading his Bible and growing in his faith. He has brothers in the Lord whom he’s accountable to and he enjoys spending time with . . . ALL good, except for his dilemma- his wife wants to leave.  He loves his wife. He wants her to be happy.  He gets weary from her constant depressing commentary. He is caught in between his own desire to stay and his wife’s desire to go after something “better.”

How does it end?  The wife wins.  

Here’s what she doesn’t know.  Men who love going to church are rare.  According to David Murrow, in most churches the only man who practices his faith is the pastor! He explains,

“Let me be blunt: today’s church has developed a culture that is driving men away. Almost every man in America has tried church, but two-thirds find it unworthy of a couple of hours once a week. A wise Texan once told me, “Men don’t go to church ’cuz they’ve been.”

More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.” (Why Men Hate Going to Church, by David Murrow)

So, why in the world, if your husband loves going to church, has found a place to serve using his unique gifts and abilities, and is experiencing the great adventure of reaching people for Jesus, would you drag him away? 

Ladies, I’ve been dissatisfied in church.  And sometimes for valid reasons.  But, I believe when we see problems in the church we should go to our knees and begin to pray.  There are no perfect churches and no perfect church people. Stop and ask yourself-is my discontent really because of the church I’m attending or my own lack of intimacy with Christ?

Girls, do you REALLY want to be the spiritual leader in your home?  Do you REALLY want to take your husband away from Godly men?  Men who will stand by your husband and counsel him to overcome worldly temptations like pornography, addictions, anger issues, etc?  Men who will challenge your husband to be more like Christ?  Be very careful not to unwittingly become part of the enemy’s plan to steal your husband away from his walk with Christ.

P.S.

Of course I believe there are legitimate reasons for leaving a church (which I won’t go into in this blog post), but leaving a healthy church you’ve served in should be done with great care and great prayer. A good test of a church’s health is:  Do the leaders have integrity?  Are they active in carrying out the Great Commission?  Will they make room for you to serve using your gifts and abilities?  Do they preach the word of God? Do they have a vision to reach the lost in the community and spread God’s love?