Friday, October 8, 2010

Leaving the "Population Me" Kingdom

I'm about to admit something I'm not proud of, but I have a feeling I'm not alone in this struggle. It all began after I heard some words in a Matthew West song, “My Own Little World”:

In my own little world it hardly ever rains

I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe

I got some money in my pocket shoes on my feet

In my own little world--Population me

As a pastor’s wife, I am blessed to know many people and to be part of their life’s journey--the ups, downs, victories, and challenges. To me, serving and encouraging the body of Christ is both a privilege and a reward. But lately I’ve been so consumed with “my own little world” that my purpose is getting lost in the realities of life.

Am I working hard, brick by brick, stone by stone, building an altar to myself? Am I building a kingdom w/ a population of one—ME?

When I think about how much time I spend thinking about myself, guarding what’s mine, adding to what’s mine, adding to my resume, adding to my life experiences, setting higher goals, dreaming new dreams . . . I stop and ask myself, “How much of this is God-directed and how much of this is leaving a Lori legacy?”

Is there no end to distractions that compel me to keep my mind on myself and not others? Case in point#1- Torn ligament in my right arm—RESULT—I constantly think about MY pain. #2 Lots of things breaking down around the house lately—RESULT—I think about MY money and how I need more. #3 Anxiety from work and school building up—RESULT—I think about how I can guard my ME time.

So sick of ME!

The Lord stepped in last night and gently reminded me through Paul’s words that I need to stop focusing on my problems and start focusing on Him.

“May you be filled with joy, ALWAYS thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to His people.” Colossians 1:11, 12

It’s so simple and I’ve learned it a hundred times. Immediately I began to praise Him for who He is and thank Him for what He has enabled me to do. Tears came as I began to write in my journal:

“He has enabled me to—think, reason, go to school, enjoy my kids, feed and clothe them, share my life with my husband, get out of bed, breathe, rest, sleep, see, feel, hear, . . . !!”

I must quit focusing on my lack, my need, my pain, my circumstances, my plans, etc. and get my mind on HIM! His promises, His protection, His provision, and His very person—I must praise Him. As I do, Jesus empowers me with strength to serve and fills me with compassion to love others.

The last words of the song sum it up:

Start breaking my heart for what breaks Yours

Give me open hands and open doors

Put Your light in my eyes and let me see

That my own little world is not about me

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